The Gay Super Bowl...

[LSPoorEeyorick]

I did my mad libs speech...

Wow. Oh boy. I wasn't going to prepare a speech, but my Mom told me I'd jinx myself if I didn't. So, thanks, Little Moose! [Pause. Inhale deeply. Nod to Jack Nicholson.] I'd like to thank the Academy. I'd like to thank the perfunctory, swanky, geriatric actors I was nominated with. Just to be included in a group with you all is an honor. I'd like to thank my manager, Ruth, my agent, Ari, my stylist, and all the immensely talented people at New Line, Harvey Weinstein, Thad, and Dr. Teaberry.

I'd also like to thank my parents, who supported me through wet my pants. And Amy Powell, my one ... true ... love [gaze into audience]. Last, but certainly not least, we all just lost Jackie Mason, a truly curious visionary and fantabulous soul. [Begin tearing.] I'd like us to take a moment to ... No! Christ on a bicycle!! Don't start playing that music, I have 73 more people to go! My editor Tom Moore, my accountant Jane, my lawyer Bill, and my personal assistant Tiffany, Josh at Hippogryff Pictures. Brad Grey. When we started this project, Persistant sweat glands was something no one wanted to talk about. Victims of Skinhead copulation, this is for you! Thank ...