Commodification of sex

[Ghoulish Delight]

Originally Posted by 3894

But I'm not going to deform my female sexuality to conform to what men tell me is sexy.

And yet many of the same women who insist on this kind of personal credo would have men "deform their male sexuality" (setting aside for a moment €'s astute point that that assumes some sort of uniform gender sexuality) and forgo their desire for visual stimulation.

I'm with iSm on this one, while there's certainly something to be said for ones own internal model of sexuality, ultimately the goal is to appeal to someone else. Like any other aspect of ones personality you will continually be faced with the choice of sticking to your guns vs. making a compromise to please someone else.

There's got to be a balance and considering that appealing to the opposite sex is what has gotten our species this far, I'm in favor of that practice continuing.

[LSPoorEeyorick]

Originally Posted by Ghoulish Delight

And yet many of the same women who insist on this kind of personal credo would have men "deform their male sexuality" (setting aside for a moment €'s astute point that that assumes some sort of uniform gender sexuality) and forgo their desire for visual stimulation.

No, that's certainly not necessary. Because there ISN'T some sort of uniform gender sexuality. All that's necessary for a woman who chooses to look different than the "typical" is to find a partner who finds her more attractive than the "typical." And surely you have seen that there's not just one color, shape, or size in porn. Different things float different people's boats. (So. That's what the kids are calling it these days.)

[3894]

Originally Posted by Ghoulish Delight

while there's certainly something to be said for ones own internal model of sexuality, ultimately the goal is to appeal to someone else. Like any other aspect of ones personality you will continually be faced with the choice of sticking to your guns vs. making a compromise to please someone else.

Much of the commodification of sex in our culture caters to men. Women, especially young ones, feel pressure to conform to what the patriarchy says is sexy.

None of this means that I don't want to appeal to my husband and please him. Of course I do. Our relationship is outside the sphere of commodification, even though as a married couple we are an economic unit.

[bewitched]

Originally Posted by 3894

None of this means that I don't want to appeal to my husband and please him. Of course I do. Our relationship is outside the sphere of commodification, even though as a married couple we are an economic unit.

Not all aspects of commodification are tangible.

[3894]

Originally Posted by bewitched

Not all aspects of commodification are tangible.

Can you explain?

[bewitched]

Originally Posted by 3894

Can you explain?

Sure.

I know this discussion started as money (or value) for sex. But when you move it into the realm of relationships, commodification encompasses a quid pro quo which only sometimes involves sex (although I would be the first to admit that sex will many times get you bigger, better gifts from a spouse or SO ).

For instance, you want to appeal to your husband...there is a commodity there...whether it's because you want to remain sexually attractive to him or simply because pleasing him gratifies you, you are receiving something you desire and/or is of (emotional) benefit to you, but not something tangible.

[Ghoulish Delight]

Originally Posted by bewitched

For instance, you want to appeal to your husband...there is a commodity there...whether it's because you want to remain sexually attractive to him or simply because pleasing him gratifies you, you are receiving something you desire and/or is of (emotional) benefit to you, but not something tangible.

Which is what I was getting at earlier when I mentioned compromise.

Every social interaction involves the decision whether to be completely self-serving or to do what someone else would like to gain approval, or to find somewhere in between. If you go with the former every time, you're going to be a very lonely person. If you go with the second choice all the time, you're going to be a pretty uninteresting person with no personality. To be successful, both models have their place, whether we're talking about sexuality, doing the dishes, or hanging out at Disneyland.

[blueerica]

Originally Posted by bewitched

Sure.

I know this discussion started as money (or value) for sex. But when you move it into the realm of relationships, commodification encompasses a quid pro quo which only sometimes involves sex (although I would be the first to admit that sex will many times get you bigger, better gifts from a spouse or SO ).

For instance, you want to appeal to your husband...there is a commodity there...whether it's because you want to remain sexually attractive to him or simply because pleasing him gratifies you, you are receiving something you desire and/or is of (emotional) benefit to you, but not something tangible.

Heh - this brings me back to my belief that we are all 'selfish' even when we are being giving, and that's definitely a good thing - it's how we survive. Even if you receive no payment, satisfaction and appreciation are 'payments' of their own. No one would volunteer if it made them feel bad about themselves, or in some way was a detractor to good in their life. The same goes for how we behave in relationships.

Good call, Bewitched!

[Alex]

Originally Posted by blueerica

Heh - this brings me back to my belief that we are all 'selfish' even when we are being giving...

A man named Adam Smith once wrote a book (two actually) about this. He gained some fame for it.

[Strangler Lewis]

Originally Posted by blueerica

No one would volunteer if it made them feel bad about themselves, or in some way was a detractor to good in their life. The same goes for how we behave in relationships.

If that were remotely true, then entire shelves of the bookstore would disappear as would most afternoon TV.

As far as the legitimacy of stripping or fetish-videos-that-are-not-quite-screwing-on-film goes, I haven't seen any of these people on Higglytown Heroes, notwithstanding their apparent necessity. I think the test for how we feel about any job is to ask whether you'd be proud if your child came home and told you he or she was doing it. If you can say "That's wonderful, honey," because your daughter will have an easier time helping pay for college by getting gangbanged at bachelor parties rather than slinging pizza, then you have a true appreciation for the dignity of all work.