Chastity Rings

[innerSpaceman]

Hey, I'm all for reminders of whatever. Since the string around the finger is the classic reminder, a ring sorta makes sense.

I once got a tattoo as a reminder ... and I often wish I'd just picked some jewelry.

[Nephythys]

Do we dare ask?

[Cadaverous Pallor]

VAM - Visible Alex Mojo on guns vs sex.

GD referred to the fact that we waited. In fact, we waited until we made a similarly symbolic promise to each other.

I have no problem with many of the concepts behind the Chastity Ring. I myself wasn't ready for sex in high school. I knew I should wait and I'm sure plenty of other kids know this too. I don't care if it's born of religion or common sense. Yet I can't believe that EVERYONE needs to wait until the exact same stage in life.

What gets me is the concept that people who have sex are not pure. The words chastity and chaste also carry meanings involving being virtuous or free from obscenity. The idea that sex is "obscene" is offensive to me. The idea that these supposedly chaste kids are being taught that those that do have sex are being obscene is very, very offensive to me.

[tracilicious]

I recently read an article about continuum parenting/tribal cultures. The article cited a study that showed that tribes that didn't have tabboos on premarital sex were the least violent. Maybe the gun/sex thing goes together more than we know. Maybe those rings encourage violence.

[scaeagles]

My daughter has a chastity ring. Not one of those in particular - something we purchased at a jewelry store that isn't a "chastity ring", but just a ring she liked.

We didn't give it to her to say "sex is a horrid thing and we don't want to talk about it, just don't do it." When we had "the talk" (both of us with her), it wasn't that sex was bad - quite the opposite (much to her dismay). It was primarily about the mechanics and emotions involved.

It was also about consequences, both emotional and physical.

What can a parent do but instill value in their child, and what values do I have to instill in my child except my own? If I did not think they were best, I would not have them as my values. We happen to think (for reasons far too numerous to share, religious reasons among them) that waiting until marriage is best.

The ring she wears isn't about some sort of taboo...it's a reminder to her of what we've talked about and to hang on to what is special.

When she is on her own, she will make her own choices. I cannot be sure that she will do what we think is best. All we can do is try to teach her what we think is best, and that ring is a small symbol of what we've talked about.

[tracilicious]

Originally Posted by scaeagles

What can a parent do but instill value in their child, and what values do I have to instill in my child except my own? If I did not think they were best, I would not have them as my values. We happen to think (for reasons far too numerous to share, religious reasons among them) that waiting until marriage is best.

The ring she wears isn't about some sort of taboo...it's a reminder to her of what we've talked about and to hang on to what is special.

When she is on her own, she will make her own choices. I cannot be sure that she will do what we think is best. All we can do is try to teach her what we think is best, and that ring is a small symbol of what we've talked about.

I think that's a really beautiful story. I've been thinking about sex a lot lately. Particularly as it relates to my kids. Im not sure what information I want to convey to them on the subject.

While I certainly don't want them having sex until they are ready, I'm not sure if no sex before marriage is ideal. Did you wait until you were married to have sex? Anybody else here? I did. Nearly everyone in my social circle back then did. I don't recommend it. While it is nice knowing that we've only been with each other, it isn't that big a deal. I've known so many people that got married rashly or too young because they wanted to have sex. I've also known people who got married and had a really rough start at a sex life because sex had been put on this very high pedestal. Sex is somewhat clumsy at first I think, at least for two people that are completely inexperienced. That can get a marriage off to a rough start.

I wouldn't want my kids making a commitment because of sex, nor would I want them staying in a relationship because of sex, but on the other hand they'll probably feel a great deal more fulfilled if they feel a commitment to the person they're having sex with. So while I don't want them to treat it casually (at least not at first), I don't want to make it this huge all important thing either.

[lashbear]

I didn't need any jewelry - I "saved myself" for years.

...then I realised I wasn't generating any interest......

Now I'm spending myself willy nilly and I qualify for lower fees and charges.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

scaeagles - I totally respect what you're going for for your kids. I'm going to have a very similar talk with my future children. I'm not going to push waiting until marriage but I am going to push waiting until they're ready.

However, I've got a question - are there any other conversations with your kids that require jewelry to remind them of? Do you get them bracelets for not using drugs or a necklace for not playing with guns? Or maybe another ring will remind them to look both ways before crossing the street?

Yeah, I'm being a bit over the top but the point is salient. The deal with the Chastity Rings usually is an "I'm married to God until I marry someone else because I want to remain Pure" kind of deal. If that's not the point of the ring, then what is? A visual reminder to be good? Or an actual bribe?

Again, I mean no disrespect but I do not get this concept outside of the "sex is dirty" context.

[Ghoulish Delight]

I don't really have a problem with this kind of thing coming from the parent. It's the "programs" that are pushed that bug me. And before anyone can say, "You support sex ed from schools, why not this?" the message of proper sex ed is, "If you do X or Y, these are the facts you should know," not, "You better promise to do X or Y (or not do X or Y)." Big difference, imo.

Along the lines of CP's post, this had me thinking of DARE. I generally liked DARE as a kid. I agreed with the message, and it really did help me stay completely away from drugs through school. But I HATED when they'd do any sort of ribbon or bracelet thing (like tying ribbons to the school fence). Even as an elementary school kid, I saw that as completely pointless and insulting. What exactly was wrong with the actual information I was getting that I needed some stupid ribbon to really make it count? I distinctly remember that while the majority of my classes took the actual education part of DARE pretty seriously, we would openly mock the stupid ribbon events.

[Strangler Lewis]

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

The deal with the Chastity Rings usually is an "I'm married to God until I marry someone else because I want to remain Pure" kind of deal. If that's not the point of the ring, then what is? A visual reminder to be good? Or an actual bribe?

Again, I mean no disrespect but I do not get this concept outside of the "sex is dirty" context.

At my wife's old church, one of the women in the choir grew tired of singing year after year about how Mary was free from defilement. She complained and the relatively openminded priest and gay choir director agreed to change "defilement" to "corruption." This was counted as a victory. Sex was still dirty, but corruption implied that the woman was complicit in the dirt. Defilement implied that she was a passive empty vessel, but stained nonetheless.