Body Image...

[Sohrshah]

I've been working for DAYS to come up with a good response to this thread. I have a terrible body image. I though about the same of myself at 320 pounds as I did at 215.

I sometimes wonder how my life would have been different if I were slender, but honestly, I don't think I've ever been passed up for a good job or opportunity due to my size. I know that self esteem and normal weight are definitely not mutually exclusive, and I doubt that I'd have been more successful in relationships if I'd been thinner. Or would I? I'm not so young anymore, and there is a part of me that us afraid that I might never have the opportunity to date Mr. "Right", because the intelligent, active, sophisticated, gray-at-the-temples guy of my dreams isn't likely going to give a second thought to a sweet-faced, round bodied pistol like me.

Admittedly, I'm actually nervous hugging really slender people. I'm afraid they must be grossed out by me... and I kind of feel like a different species. I'd like to get more fit - I LOVE being active, and my weight loss goals are based on scuba-diving and horseback riding weight limits more than anything else, but I don't think I'll ever feel THIN. And that's okay. I hope that someday I'll feel beautiful and worthy again. Its been a long long time, and I miss that feeling.