WTF Stories of the Week

[mousepod]

Back to the pool issue... Not that I feel strongly either way about a new law for pool owners, but the linked stories remind me about a moment I had on our family vacation this year.

We were sitting by the pool at the hotel, and I started reading Chuck Palahniuk's "Haunted", one of the books from my "get around to sometime" pile. Unlike "Fight Club", "Choke" and "Lullaby," this book is a collection of linked short stories... most of them pretty darn gruesome.

One of the early stories involves a character who uses the drain of the pool for his own pleasure, until something horrible happens.

I actually got physically ill and had to put the book down for almost a half hour.

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

Originally Posted by mousepod

I actually got physically ill and had to put the book down for almost a half hour.

That was me reading American Pshyco. Heh.

Kids will do the darndest and most dangerous things. I was swimming in a pool that was half covered by the winter pool cover. My Dad and his friend were standing nearby. I thought it would be cool to swim beneath the cover, and it was! The colors and the calm were amazing. I figured I get to the the end, and simply stick my head up, imagining the cover would be light enough to raise up along with me. I tried to come up for air and the cover was too heavy to budge. I was quickly running out of air and almost panicked, but instead swam as fast as I could to the open end of the pool. I emerged gasping for air. My Dad and his friend were still chatting away; had no idea I was in any danger. Reproached him later for not paying more attention, and he pretty much told me to be less of an idiot. Heh.

Anyway, I could have died, and I hardly blame lack of supervision. My father simply had a higher opinion of my intelligence than he should have.

For the record, I am not anti-child. I just don't want children of my own. (There are many reasons for this, and one of them IS because I know how hard it is.) I don't like how some people have tried to make me feel like this is a severe lack on my part. I've had a co-worker say, "You can never really know love until you have a child." I've had people who barely know me say, "Oh, but you will. Someday. Trust me." If some people feel those without children speak out of turn about parenting, it goes both ways. Parents often make non-breeders feel like there is something wrong with them.

My boss needing to take time off from work watch his daughter's ballet class is no more important than my needing to take time off from work to meet an old friend for dinner. He wants to be a good father, and I want to be a good friend. We mutually respect our different lifestyles.

So, I'm not anti-child. I love new baby smell and smart toddlers. I love playing with kids because I've always dreamed of playing with monkeys. And I love talking with kids because I find I often learn something new, too.
I don't think kids should be cleaning up lint in cotton mills with their tiny hands, but I also don't think they should be coddled and "cute"ified into prolonged adolescence. My aunt stays home from work if her sixteen year old has a tummy ache. I don't understand that. My favorite parents are the ones who don't make their children feel like they are the center of the universe, who treat them like like they are raising a future adult, and who take their newborns OUT of the movie theater as soon as they start crying because they recognize that other patrons may mind. A child crying at Disneyland? Fair game.

If anything, I'm anti-parents who think their more important for being parents, and who treat their children as though they are somehow more special than everything, everyone and anything else. I feel fortunate that most of the parents I know aren't like that, and they're raising some seriously awesome kids.

[alphabassettgrrl]

Originally Posted by Eliza Hodgkins 1812

I've had a co-worker say, "You can never really know love until you have a child." I've had people who barely know me say, "Oh, but you will. Someday. Trust me."

Yeah, frequently people assume a desire for children and simply cannot understand a different opinion. They assume I'm either broken or lying. When people assure us that we will someday want children, it seems like they are trying to reassure themselves somehow that their desire for children is normal; I'm wondering why it's so important to them that I want children. I don't get it.

My uncle's wife raised one of those "center of the universe" children. This girl was her last child, and my aunt's main goal seemed to be to not allow the child to grow up (I think the woman would be happy for her daughter to be perpetually age 4). She wanted to do every little thing for the girl. I think there was some guilt with this as well as the fear of the child growing up, but independence was quite a challenge for her. Luckily, the girl seems to realize that constant dependence on one's mother is not normal, and seems to have made a somewhat independent life for herself, but it wasn't easy.

And like you say- crying babies in movie theaters? Not so ok. Crying babies at Disneyland? Happens.

[bewitched]

Originally Posted by Eliza Hodgkins 1812

That was me reading American Pshyco
For the record, I am not anti-child. I just don't want children of my own. (There are many reasons for this, and one of them IS because I know how hard it is.) I don't like how some people have tried to make me feel like this is a severe lack on my part. I've had a co-worker say, "You can never really know love until you have a child." I've had people who barely know me say, "Oh, but you will. Someday. Trust me." If some people feel those without children speak out of turn about parenting, it goes both ways. Parents often make non-breeders feel like there is something wrong with them.

I know exactly what you're talking about and I think that when people think that you you will be sorry, that you don't know what you're talking about, etc. are stupid.

I didn't plan on having kids at all. I love them but never felt any maternal urge. I got all sorts of grief from everyone...someone even told me I was being selfish (which to be fair, not gracing humanity with more of my gene pool would have been rather selfish). Then, at 32...ooops! (let's just say that 99.7% figure for the pill leaves a little wiggle room)

So I've been on both sides of the fence and respect both sides. I can also honestly say that to some degree I agree with your co-worker; in my wildest imagination, I couldn't have imagined loving anyone or anything as much as I love my daughter. I don't mean to imply at all that you are lacking or crazy because you don't want kids. I've known the feeling.

Having said that, it annoys me every bit as much if not more when people say, "if I was a parent" or, "if I had kids" as when people would say things about my decision not to have kids. Personally, I think the "stick to what you know" factor applies here (and never make definitive statements about things removed from your experience, I used to say, "if I were a parent..." all of the time but reality is a lot different from observation).