So, I'm wondering.

[AllyOops!]

I wonder why it has taken me so long to open my eyes & actually wonder, without plunging into denial first followed by a million excuses?

I wonder why I am having to grow up so late in life, and why, no matter what age you may be, why it always has to be so damned hard?

I wonder why life always has to be a series of lessons learned, and why it always has to be tripping, falling and getting hurt (or your heart broken) to learn. Why, when you seemingly have everything, do you need to lose it in order to "appreciate it more"? Why can't we ever just graduate from the School of Hard Knocks and just live out the rest of our lives feasting on all of the fruits of our successes? Why does disease, death, pain & heartbreak need to show us and teach us? I'm so frustrated I could cry except that I'm almost all cried out, if that's even humanly possible. Basically, why must life be one big, drawn out, dick tripping experience? ENOUGH ALREADY! Please?

I wonder why I didn't see the inevitable coming. I wonder why I didn't try harder to save what I already had. I wonder how many times I can put myself through this. I wonder if I'm more to blame then I think I am. Subsequently, I wonder why I am always the one to blame when I know that just can't be true. I wonder why, when people finally admit to their flaws, that they follow the admission with a verbal punch. Maybe they wouldn't have hurt you if you were a better person?

I wonder when, and if, people will EVER stop telling me how to live my life. Most people in my life can't seem to hold a conversation with me without pointing out the "woulda coulda shoulda's" to me. Sometimes, this is welcome. In small intervals. I know people who love & care about you have your best interest at heart. I suppose it's all in the delivery. However, my motto has always been "Please stay in your own garden and tend to your own weeds." If I need help pulling my weeds, I'm appreciative of those who help me. I wonder why it is that the people with the most weeds are the very same ones who come traipsing into your garden most of all?

I wonder when I'll stop with the cryptic. I sound crazy. These moments are incredibly rare. The moments where I face the truth and just break down and let it all go. And I happened to be in front of my computer when it all came crashing down on me.

I wonder if I'll ever stop feeling guilty. And rambling. I'm so sorry! Nobody wants to read the incoherent ramblings of an emotionally exhausted AllyOfTheDolls!

[MickeyLumbo]

Originally Posted by AllyOfTheDolls

I wonder why it is that the people with the most weeds are the very same ones who come traipsing into your garden most of all?

very well said.

(((hugs to you, Ally. )))

[Ponine]

I wonder what happened to Ally? I havent heard from her in days, I didnt think I offended.... I'm worried, and wonder how can I be so worried about a gal I couldnt even identify on sight?

I wonder if at any point in my life I'll get over this inane habit of thinking its always me that did something wrong.

Ally... are you ok?

[Ghoulish Delight]

She just posted in my birthday thread...said her computer crashed.

[AllyOops!]

Oh, here I am! I'm so happy I logged on this morning!!

Oh, Ponine! You could NEVER do anything wrong! I absolutely love you! I'm so sorry! One of my biggest flaws is that I never let anybody (family included) know what's going on with me when I get busy! I have more enemies then friends right now, I think. I'm sorry! I always forget to check my PM's. I'm going to send you one!

I have been unpacking! I had a sudden change of heart and decided to remain in Los Angeles. It was a decision I had been waffling with, and I knew it was for the best. I <3 this city! I'm up to my highlights in wardrobe boxes, and making donation bags. Plus, all the crazy little adjustments you make with moving to a new home. And then my computer dilemmas!! ARGGH!

May is always a tough month for me. It's filled with many joyous birthdays, and sadly, death anniversaries. Friday was my late boyfriend's would-have-been 40th birthday. Three days before that, was the 1 year anniversary of my Grandpa's death. It's been harder then I thought. Ironically, they are buried next to each other. I live much closer to the cemetery now, so I'm able to visit and bring flowers. I feel so awful, because it's this month that I become tortured with the "could of been's". My best friend's death anniversary is coming in a few weeks. I wonder when this stops being so painful & lonely?

Now, I'm wondering why I just bared my Soul. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts! Dark place be gone.

Lickey~ Thank you! So many hugs for you!

[Hades]

(***Hades extends his arms above his head and forward towards Ally's direction and projects positive mana her way!***)

Dark thoughts BE GONE! Let the light of love and happy thoughts bathe Ally in warmth!

Hang in there, chicklet! It does get better. My grandfather's passing anniversary was weeks ago. Still miss him, but it doesn't ache as much in my heart. I still get a pang of hurt for my dog Lady, but her box of ashes and her doggie collar are in my living room where I can see them, so it does hit closer to home, so to speak.

Hugs of simpathy and love to you!
>>>>>>>>>>HUGS<<<<<<<<<<<<<

[blueerica]

I'm wondering if it will be easy to get Monday, the 20th off, or will it be a massive effort.

Oh!!

[wendybeth]

The 20th? Of June? If you speak of the Monday following the weekend Geek-Festivus, that is the 18th......

[MerryPrankster]

I'm wondering if anyone else watches 'Con' on Comedy Central. I was laughing so hard at tonight's episode -- I'm still choking.

OMG...Ice Train!! ::swoon::

[blueerica]

LOL Pay no attn to me. My brain was fuzzed out on the excitement of the 17th...

I'm really looking forward to it, and am going to have to start arranging this tomorrow at work.