Help Us End the R-Word

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Originally Posted by Alex

I thought I pretty much explained the "so what" as I see it. Why, even if successful, it likely isn't going to solve the underlying issue. That just as words can gain new definitions they can shed them as well (in usage if not in the OED), and that in this case it may be more productive in the long term to shed a definition than to try and salt this linguistic ground and hope you can avoid a repeat on the new homestead.

Thing is, you can't "let it be a word meaning "boneheaded" or "stupid"" because when people say retarded they don't mean boneheaded, they mean "you are acting like someone who was born mentally deficient." That's what the word is continuing to mean, and I don't think that's going to change any time soon, as it's still clinging to that even as the technical term fades.

This reminds me of my childhood friend who was forbidden by her liberal parents to call anyone "stupid" or "dumb". It's one of those things that as a (foul-mouthed) kid, seemed ludicrous to me, but as an adult, does make some sense. It's a truly insulting thing to say to someone.

The other side of that story is that the word she used for her younger siblings was "silly". She did use it in a softer manner than me spitting out "UR DUMB" to my brothers. "That seems silly to me", she'd say to them. Her upbringing didn't allow sarcasm and outright meanness, but it did seem to allow for a condescending tone. So in the end she found a way to basically say the same thing with different words and tone.

What I'm trying to say is, you're right, it's a moving target. And that is the nature of language. I fully believe that this problem has been around forever and will continue to be around. Your example of "moron" and "idiot" proves that even if we did follow your tactic of letting "retard" become the same, the new words that replace "retard" will become the offensive terms. I have heard people call each other "mentally challenged" as an insult. Another good example is "special", the ultimate in backfiring attempts to correct the same sort of problem. Even the most simple of sentences - "I'm special" - means something totally different than it did 30 years ago.

The term I'm hearing used most often now (in serious tones) is "special needs". I think that term has another 5 years tops before it's done.

I don't think there's any changing how this goes, no preventing the cycle from continuing. As long as we have words for people that have disabilities, people without those disabilities are not going to want to be called those words, and thus, the names have power and are going to be abused. When it's time, we shift terms. Makes sense to me.

[Alex]

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

Thing is, you can't "let it be a word meaning "boneheaded" or "stupid"" because when people say retarded they don't mean boneheaded, they mean "you are acting like someone who was born mentally deficient."

No, I disagree. Most of the time I hear the word it is not at all used in the way you say. If I were to say "You retard, you forgot to DVR Kings" there is absolutely no sense in which I mean "hey, you might have a hidden case of Downs Syndrome." I just mean you did something stupid. Of course, I don't really call anybody a retard simply because it isn't in the slang dictionary for me childhood. I'm happy with "short busser."

But maybe you hang out with meaner people than I do.

But yes, we agree the cycle will continue. So why do it? Rather than worrying about what word gets used in contexts outside of the people we're worried about I'd rather focus on how they're treated.

[Pirate Bill]

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

This reminds me of my childhood friend who was forbidden by her liberal parents to call anyone "stupid" or "dumb". It's one of those things that as a (foul-mouthed) kid, seemed ludicrous to me, but as an adult, does make some sense. It's a truly insulting thing to say to someone.

Some of my extended family have simplified this rule and teach their kids "Stupid is a naughty word." They've also included "hate" as another naughty word. You can't say, "I hate liver" in their house. Ugh. Somehow this got to my kids and they all gasped in shock one day when I said, "This TV show is stupid." I've had to unteach my kids and explain that calling people stupid is rude. In fact, being mean and calling people names in general is rude. But the word "stupid" is not a bad word.

I know why parents take this shortcut approach to teaching their kids., but I think it's lazy parenting. When kids grow up thinking the "s-word" and "f-word" are "stupid" and "fart," it might be funny and cute but really doesn't teach them the core value you're trying to instill.

By the way, you may freely use "fart" in my house. We all say it. But I often wonder what other parents think of my "foul mouthed kids" when they say it.

If you can't say "fart" the terrorist have won.