Joke Time - Page 2

CoasterMatt · 06-04-2005, 11:17 PM

A deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist and cannot see condoms on the shelf.

Frustrated, the deaf mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.

The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf mute, then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.

"Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."

Motorboat Cruiser · 06-05-2005, 12:15 AM

For my friend, scaeagles.

One night, G.W. Bush was awakened by George Washington's ghost.
Bush saw him and asked, "George, what is the best thing I could do to
help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George.

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark
bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asked.

"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom.

Bush didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure
moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost.

"Abe, what is the best thing I could do for the country?" Bush asked.

"Go to the theater," replied Abe.

Motorboat Cruiser · 06-05-2005, 12:30 AM

A carrot and a banana are walking down the street together. The carrot keeps hopping from the curb to the street to the curb to the street. The banana warns his friend "You shouldn't do that, it's dangerous". The carrot pays no attention, just keeps jumping back and forth. Eventually tragedy strikes: the carrot is hit by a car.

The paramedics arrive and rush the carrot to the hospital where the carrot is rushed into emergency surgery. The banana paces in the waiting room until finally the doctor appears.

"Well, I have good news and bad news about your friend" the doctor says. "The good news is he is going to live. The bad news is that he is going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

Hey, who threw that?!?!

scaeagles · 06-05-2005, 01:04 PM

MBC - I'll take that to mean you really like Dick Cheney and hope he's President someday.

Motorboat Cruiser · 06-05-2005, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scaeagles

MBC - I'll take that to mean you really like Dick Cheney and hope he's President someday.

Yep, you nailed it.

Kevy Baby · 06-05-2005, 07:48 PM

What goes:

"clip clop, clip clop, clip clop, BANG, clip clop, clip clop, clip clop"?

Spoiler:

surfinmuse · 06-05-2005, 08:48 PM

Q: When do you know that your date with a pilot is half-over?
A: When he goes, "Okay, enough about me. Now let's talk about airplanes."

CoasterMatt · 06-06-2005, 08:58 PM

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

"Yeah, my wife..."

Kevy Baby · 06-06-2005, 09:06 PM

Another guy walks into the same bar (this is one very amused and hard-working bartender!). Orders up five shots of whiskey and downs them one after the other.

"What's the occassion?" asks the bartender.

"My first blowjob."

"Well then, let me pour you one more shot - on the house."

"Nah," replies the man. "If the first five didn't kill the taste, nothing will."

Mr. Fusion · 06-07-2005, 06:43 PM

How does every racist joke start?

Spoiler:

06-04-2005, 11:17 PM	#11
CoasterMatt BRAAAAAAAINS! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: One Step Beyond... Posts: 8,802	A deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist and cannot see condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, the deaf mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter and puts down a five dollar bill next to it. The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf mute, then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language. "Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet." __________________ Do you like my photography? Visit photosbymatt.tumblr.com to purchase prints!
	Submit to Quotes

06-05-2005, 12:15 AM	#12
Motorboat Cruiser Cruiser of Motorboats Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: So Cal Posts: 3,665	For my friend, scaeagles. One night, G.W. Bush was awakened by George Washington's ghost. Bush saw him and asked, "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asked. "Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom. Bush didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do for the country?" Bush asked. "Go to the theater," replied Abe.
	Submit to Quotes

06-05-2005, 12:30 AM	#13
Motorboat Cruiser Cruiser of Motorboats Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: So Cal Posts: 3,665	A carrot and a banana are walking down the street together. The carrot keeps hopping from the curb to the street to the curb to the street. The banana warns his friend "You shouldn't do that, it's dangerous". The carrot pays no attention, just keeps jumping back and forth. Eventually tragedy strikes: the carrot is hit by a car. The paramedics arrive and rush the carrot to the hospital where the carrot is rushed into emergency surgery. The banana paces in the waiting room until finally the doctor appears. "Well, I have good news and bad news about your friend" the doctor says. "The good news is he is going to live. The bad news is that he is going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life." Hey, who threw that?!?!
	Submit to Quotes

06-05-2005, 01:04 PM	#14
scaeagles I LIKE! Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 7,819	MBC - I'll take that to mean you really like Dick Cheney and hope he's President someday.
	Submit to Quotes

06-05-2005, 07:48 PM	#16
Kevy Baby Chowder Head Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Yes Posts: 18,500	What goes: "clip clop, clip clop, clip clop, BANG, clip clop, clip clop, clip clop"? Spoiler: An Amish drive-by shooting __________________ The thing about quotes on the internet is that you cannot verify their validity. - Abraham Lincoln
	Submit to Quotes

06-05-2005, 08:48 PM	#17
surfinmuse Mind the Gap Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 123	Q: When do you know that your date with a pilot is half-over? A: When he goes, "Okay, enough about me. Now let's talk about airplanes."
	Submit to Quotes

06-06-2005, 08:58 PM	#18
CoasterMatt BRAAAAAAAINS! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: One Step Beyond... Posts: 8,802	A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife..." __________________ Do you like my photography? Visit photosbymatt.tumblr.com to purchase prints!
	Submit to Quotes

06-06-2005, 09:06 PM	#19
Kevy Baby Chowder Head Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Yes Posts: 18,500	Another guy walks into the same bar (this is one very amused and hard-working bartender!). Orders up five shots of whiskey and downs them one after the other. "What's the occassion?" asks the bartender. "My first blowjob." "Well then, let me pour you one more shot - on the house." "Nah," replies the man. "If the first five didn't kill the taste, nothing will." __________________ The thing about quotes on the internet is that you cannot verify their validity. - Abraham Lincoln
	Submit to Quotes

06-07-2005, 06:43 PM	#20
Mr. Fusion Grateful for Swank Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Northridge, CA Posts: 71	How does every racist joke start? Spoiler: looks left looks right "Okay, so..." __________________
	Submit to Quotes