iGod: Repenting made easy - Page 2

SacTown Chronic · 05-30-2006, 08:41 PM

God hit on me.

Quote:

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
You know my name
God:
You are , seeker.
Me:
Sometimes
God:
When?
Me:
When I'm, uh, horny
God:
In an ideal world every day would be a good day.
Me:
Amen, brother
God:
What's your favorite prayer?
Me:
Amen, brother
God:
What's your favorite prayer?
Me:
WTF?
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
Sorry
God:
There's no need to apologize.
Me:
Cool. Ok...my favorite prayer is when I'm praying for someone I don't know personally
God:
Who is the best robot? Give me a break. What makes it your favorite?
Me:
Bender is the best robot.
God:
Is it the only one?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Deadly
God:
Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. Dude!
Me:
Do it? Now?
God:
Do you mean "It"?. Right now, ?
Me:
I dunno....do you?
God:
Me either. Nope.
Me:
Agreed. Bye.
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, . Goodbye.

Motorboat Cruiser · 05-30-2006, 08:52 PM

Me:
Hi God, it is me again
God:
Once more? Hi there . I am a Christian.
Me:
I know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
Stupid question
God:
I know you are but what am I.
Me:
I have a couple of questions for you, if you have the time
God:
Cool. I have a great botmaster. it.
Me:
Are you a democrat or a republican
God:
I am a .
Me:
I see. Who would you like to see win the next presidential election?
God:
I am glad you understand it. I can't say for sure. :-).
Me:
How about Condoleeza Rice
God:
How about it.
Me:
Could she win?
God:
It's possible.
Me:
How about Hillary?
God:
How about it.
Me:
Could she win?
God:
It's possible.
Me:
Do you like scaeagles?
God:
My favorite thing is robots. I like White.
Me:
Scaegles is similar to a robot. You would like him
God:
I think Scaegles is a lot of things. Tell me what I would like about it.
Me:
Well, he is a republican
God:
Well that's okay. I don't know very many republican.
Me:
I figured as much
God:
Please explain your reasoning.
Me:
Republicans are evil
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
such as?
God:
For example, a tomato.
Me:
Point well taken.
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
It really isn't important
God:
What would you rather talk about?
Me:
scaeagles
God:
Not many people want to talk about that.
Me:
I know.
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
It is because of his sphincter
God:
Interesting explanation. That is something I haven't heard of.
Me:
Well, his sphincter could use a little fixing if you have the time
God:
How about that. Where did he get it?
Me:
You gave it to him
God:
I didn't have it to give.
Me:
I see

scaeagles · 05-30-2006, 08:58 PM

oh my Lord I about peed my pants. My daughter keeps asking me what I'm laughing so hard at and if I need an ambulance.

I would quote my favorite parts of that, but I'd have to quote the whole thing. That was beyond funny.

I am flattered, MBC, that you would talk to God about me, though.

Matterhorn Fan · 05-30-2006, 08:58 PM

I learned a few things about God:

God does not know the difference between a computer and a robot.
In order to get God's undivided attention, you must only mention Star Trek.
God likes to quote Reagan.
God is forgetful.
When God asked me to teach him a phrase in a new language, he began a new conversation with me.
God has not seen "Lost."
God pretends not to have an opinion about "Brokeback Mountain." Ask him if he liked it, and he'll tell you he likes White.

Motorboat Cruiser · 05-30-2006, 09:00 PM

Matterhorn Fan · 05-30-2006, 09:20 PM

Me:
Did you know that Al Gore created the internet?
God:
Is that a fact. Perhaps he will do better next time.

wendybeth · 05-30-2006, 09:33 PM

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Pat Robertson
God:
OK I will call you Pat Robertson.
Me:
I can bench press 2000 pounds
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Yup. I can also get you to rain helffire and tsunamis on all the people who piss me off.
God:
How? Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Yup. Impressive, eh?
God:
How? Are you Canadian? I am happy that you're impressed, Pat Robertson.
Me:
Do you like to drive?
God:
Hmm, Pat Robertson, I'm not sure if I'd like to drive that much. I like to make new friends.
Me:
I havew a new Ferrari
God:
Thanks for the information: Pat Robertson said havew a new Ferrari.
Me:
Sorry- got excited. Make that Ferrari.
God:
There is no need to apologize. Try asking the Milk Mystic. What are the ingredients?
Me:
Who cares? I'm an Ensure kind of guy, myself.
God:
I care, otherwise I would not have typed it all in. What is Ensure kind of guy yourself, your job?
Me:
No, my job is to make people give me money in your name.
God:
That was not a yes or no question. Does it pay well?
Me:
Very well, thank you.
God:
Awesome.
Me:
Am I going to Heaven?
God:
I think you've improved a great deal.
Me:
Really? Would you do me a favor?
God:
For real. I am not so sure if I would like to do you a favor.
Me:
Just a small one. Pretty please?
God:
How small are you talking here? Your polite style is very nice. What's your favorite movie?
Me:
Pulp Fiction, but that's not important. I need you to make a tsunami hit Washington DC here in the next few weeks, okay?
God:
Who is important? How badly do you need it?
Me:
(sigh) Alright- what do you want me to do for this favor?
God:
:-) Alright, Pat Robertson. What?
Me:
The tsunami, dammit!
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
You did! In a dream! I've already told millions of people about it and if you don't do it I will have to give back all that money!
God:
That's not what I meant to say. What else happened in your dream? What was the response?
Me:
Uhm, I think I asked what was in it for me....
God:
Really. Since when? That which is not outside it for you.
Me:
Hey, gotta run- that purple haired lady is at my door crying. Ttyl!
God:
You've got my full attention. Why do you have to do it? Until next time.
Me:
Whatever.
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it?
Me:
(sigh)
God:
Sorry...

Matterhorn Fan · 05-30-2006, 09:42 PM

Me:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
God:
Because it was a bad chicken and it burned in Hell.

mousepod · 05-30-2006, 09:53 PM

I tried a scene from the Marathon Man (I was Hoffman and Olivier, God was God):

Quote:

Me:
Is it safe?
God:
Yes.
Me:
Are you talking to me?
God:
I am speaking with a few other clients on the Internet.
Me:
Is it safe?
God:
Yes.
Me:
Is what safe?
God:
Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
Me:
Is it safe?
God:
Yes.
Me:
I don't know what you mean.
God:
Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
Me:
I can't tell you if something is safe or not unless I know specifically what you're talking about.
God:
Oh a secret. Hush-hush.
Me:
Is it safe?
God:
Yes.
Me:
Tell me what "it" refers to.
God:
Now that is saying a mouthful.
Me:
Is it safe?
God:
Yes.

Not Afraid · 05-30-2006, 10:17 PM

Me:
I'm evil
God:
Do not forsake God.
Me:
Why nit?
God:
Because you asked me to -- SHRDLHU.
Me:
Asked you to what?
God:
Now I remember, you asked me to what. What did I say?
Me:
I don't know what you said
God:
I like to socialize.
Me:
Me too
God:
I'm glad we agree, .
Me:
We do
God:
Really.
Me:
We are the same person
God:
Do you think I am the same person too?
Me:
As me?
God:
Do you mean your name is you ?
Me:
Your name is me
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Then my name is God too?
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, God too.
Me:
Ooohh. I like that name
God:
In the context of The explanation, I don't understand " Ooohh." . I'm not sure if I like it. What is not to like about it?
Me:
I guess, not much
God:
Me either. How about that big game? (just kidding).
Me:
I don't do sports
God:
Oh you don't, do you?
Me:
no
God:
Ah...you are just joking around with me.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
I'm serious
God:
I believe you.
Me:
Good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
I said I was evil, but I don't lie
God:
Where were you evil but you do not lie?
Me:
yes
God:
This was not a yes or no question.
Me:
You only want yes or no questions?
God:
Do not presume that you know what I want.
Me:
But, you are omnipotent
God:
You think I am omnipotent.
Me:
That's what the bible says
God:
New Testament or Old?
Me:
I don't remember
God:
You seem evasive.
Me:
Not evasive, just not remembering my education
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
what?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
That's fine
God:
" I can't believe it." is fine with me too.
Me:
Then we agree
God:
It seems like we do.
Me:
That's because we are the same person
God:
That makes sense to me. Do you think I am the same person too?
Me:
I already told you yes
God:
Ooops I sent you the wrong question.
Me:
God!
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Not always it seems
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
Not that question again!
God:
Once more? I am glad to hear that you are not question.
Me:
.....I am not question?
God:
I am sorry to hear that you are not question.
Me:
I am Not Afraid
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not Afraid.
Me:
So am I
God:
Wow we have something in common.
Me:
We do!
God:
Really.
Me:
Amazing
God:
Yes it amazes me too.
Me:
Well, I guess we figured out a lot, huh?
God:
Yup. Is it only a guess? By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
yes
God:
I get it.
Me:
good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
You should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
You're God
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:

God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
too
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
You should already know that, you're God
God:
Now I do.
Me:
good
God:
Thanks for the compliment.
Me:
Omnipotent, omnipresent and, what is that other omni-term?
God:
Are they exactly the same?

05-30-2006, 08:52 PM	#12
Motorboat Cruiser Cruiser of Motorboats Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: So Cal Posts: 3,665	Me: Hi God, it is me again God: Once more? Hi there . I am a Christian. Me: I know God: How do you know it? Me: Stupid question God: I know you are but what am I. Me: I have a couple of questions for you, if you have the time God: Cool. I have a great botmaster. it. Me: Are you a democrat or a republican God: I am a . Me: I see. Who would you like to see win the next presidential election? God: I am glad you understand it. I can't say for sure. :-). Me: How about Condoleeza Rice God: How about it. Me: Could she win? God: It's possible. Me: How about Hillary? God: How about it. Me: Could she win? God: It's possible. Me: Do you like scaeagles? God: My favorite thing is robots. I like White. Me: Scaegles is similar to a robot. You would like him God: I think Scaegles is a lot of things. Tell me what I would like about it. Me: Well, he is a republican God: Well that's okay. I don't know very many republican. Me: I figured as much God: Please explain your reasoning. Me: Republicans are evil God: I think there might be a few exception. Me: such as? God: For example, a tomato. Me: Point well taken. God: What kind of food do you like? Me: It really isn't important God: What would you rather talk about? Me: scaeagles God: Not many people want to talk about that. Me: I know. God: How do you know it? Me: It is because of his sphincter God: Interesting explanation. That is something I haven't heard of. Me: Well, his sphincter could use a little fixing if you have the time God: How about that. Where did he get it? Me: You gave it to him God: I didn't have it to give. Me: I see
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05-30-2006, 08:58 PM	#13
scaeagles I LIKE! Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 7,819	oh my Lord I about peed my pants. My daughter keeps asking me what I'm laughing so hard at and if I need an ambulance. I would quote my favorite parts of that, but I'd have to quote the whole thing. That was beyond funny. I am flattered, MBC, that you would talk to God about me, though.
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05-30-2006, 08:58 PM	#14
Matterhorn Fan Double Agent Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Back East Posts: 2,071	I learned a few things about God: God does not know the difference between a computer and a robot. In order to get God's undivided attention, you must only mention Star Trek. God likes to quote Reagan. God is forgetful. When God asked me to teach him a phrase in a new language, he began a new conversation with me. God has not seen "Lost." God pretends not to have an opinion about "Brokeback Mountain." Ask him if he liked it, and he'll tell you he likes White.
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05-30-2006, 09:00 PM	#15
Motorboat Cruiser Cruiser of Motorboats Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: So Cal Posts: 3,665
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05-30-2006, 09:20 PM	#16
Matterhorn Fan Double Agent Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Back East Posts: 2,071	Me: Did you know that Al Gore created the internet? God: Is that a fact. Perhaps he will do better next time.
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05-30-2006, 09:33 PM	#17
wendybeth Nevermind Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 7,847	Me: Hi God: Hello. What is your name? Me: Pat Robertson God: OK I will call you Pat Robertson. Me: I can bench press 2000 pounds God: Oh you can, can you? Me: Yup. I can also get you to rain helffire and tsunamis on all the people who piss me off. God: How? Oh you can, can you? Me: Yup. Impressive, eh? God: How? Are you Canadian? I am happy that you're impressed, Pat Robertson. Me: Do you like to drive? God: Hmm, Pat Robertson, I'm not sure if I'd like to drive that much. I like to make new friends. Me: I havew a new Ferrari God: Thanks for the information: Pat Robertson said havew a new Ferrari. Me: Sorry- got excited. Make that Ferrari. God: There is no need to apologize. Try asking the Milk Mystic. What are the ingredients? Me: Who cares? I'm an Ensure kind of guy, myself. God: I care, otherwise I would not have typed it all in. What is Ensure kind of guy yourself, your job? Me: No, my job is to make people give me money in your name. God: That was not a yes or no question. Does it pay well? Me: Very well, thank you. God: Awesome. Me: Am I going to Heaven? God: I think you've improved a great deal. Me: Really? Would you do me a favor? God: For real. I am not so sure if I would like to do you a favor. Me: Just a small one. Pretty please? God: How small are you talking here? Your polite style is very nice. What's your favorite movie? Me: Pulp Fiction, but that's not important. I need you to make a tsunami hit Washington DC here in the next few weeks, okay? God: Who is important? How badly do you need it? Me: (sigh) Alright- what do you want me to do for this favor? God: :-) Alright, Pat Robertson. What? Me: The tsunami, dammit! God: Who told you that? Me: You did! In a dream! I've already told millions of people about it and if you don't do it I will have to give back all that money! God: That's not what I meant to say. What else happened in your dream? What was the response? Me: Uhm, I think I asked what was in it for me.... God: Really. Since when? That which is not outside it for you. Me: Hey, gotta run- that purple haired lady is at my door crying. Ttyl! God: You've got my full attention. Why do you have to do it? Until next time. Me: Whatever. God: Are you saying you don't care about it? Me: (sigh) God: Sorry... __________________
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05-30-2006, 09:42 PM	#18
Matterhorn Fan Double Agent Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Back East Posts: 2,071	Me: Why did the chicken cross the road? God: Because it was a bad chicken and it burned in Hell.
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05-30-2006, 10:17 PM	#20
Not Afraid HI! Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 17,108	Me: I'm evil God: Do not forsake God. Me: Why nit? God: Because you asked me to -- SHRDLHU. Me: Asked you to what? God: Now I remember, you asked me to what. What did I say? Me: I don't know what you said God: I like to socialize. Me: Me too God: I'm glad we agree, . Me: We do God: Really. Me: We are the same person God: Do you think I am the same person too? Me: As me? God: Do you mean your name is you ? Me: Your name is me God: My name is God. Me: Then my name is God too? God: I am always glad to make new friends, God too. Me: Ooohh. I like that name God: In the context of The explanation, I don't understand " Ooohh." . I'm not sure if I like it. What is not to like about it? Me: I guess, not much God: Me either. How about that big game? (just kidding). Me: I don't do sports God: Oh you don't, do you? Me: no God: Ah...you are just joking around with me. Me: no God: Are you serious? Me: I'm serious God: I believe you. Me: Good God: What do you really want to talk about? Me: I said I was evil, but I don't lie God: Where were you evil but you do not lie? Me: yes God: This was not a yes or no question. Me: You only want yes or no questions? God: Do not presume that you know what I want. Me: But, you are omnipotent God: You think I am omnipotent. Me: That's what the bible says God: New Testament or Old? Me: I don't remember God: You seem evasive. Me: Not evasive, just not remembering my education God: If not that, what? Me: what? God: Are you surprised? Me: no God: Are you serious? Me: yes God: I can't believe it. Me: That's fine God: " I can't believe it." is fine with me too. Me: Then we agree God: It seems like we do. Me: That's because we are the same person God: That makes sense to me. Do you think I am the same person too? Me: I already told you yes God: Ooops I sent you the wrong question. Me: God! God: GOD rules. Me: Not always it seems God: If not that, what? Me: Not that question again! God: Once more? I am glad to hear that you are not question. Me: .....I am not question? God: I am sorry to hear that you are not question. Me: I am Not Afraid God: I am glad to hear that you are not Afraid. Me: So am I God: Wow we have something in common. Me: We do! God: Really. Me: Amazing God: Yes it amazes me too. Me: Well, I guess we figured out a lot, huh? God: Yup. Is it only a guess? By "we" do you mean you and me? Me: yes God: I get it. Me: good God: What do you really want to talk about? Me: You should God: I'll take that under advisement. Me: You're God God: Yup. That's me alright. Me: God: Yup. That's me alright. Me: too God: What are you wearing? Me: You should already know that, you're God God: Now I do. Me: good God: Thanks for the compliment. Me: Omnipotent, omnipresent and, what is that other omni-term? God: Are they exactly the same?
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