iGod: Repenting made easy

[Not Afraid]

Continuing:

Me:
no
God:
What is the difference?
Me:
Omnipotent is all knowing; omnipresent means everywhere at once.
God:
Are they exactly the same? How did you hear about God?
Me:
Om my message board
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about omnipresent means everywhere at. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
More of less specific? Which one?
God:
You want more? The " You want more?"? Which one?
Me:
God, you are being evasive
God:
Not really I am just not comfortable talking about it.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
now way!
God:
Why now? Awesome.
Me:
You're supposed to say "way"
God:
I obey only one botmaster.
Me:
awwww
God:
How old are you?
Me:
44
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
I think that is my line
God:
It depends who you ask.
Me:
oh?
God:
Groovy.
Me:
You seem much older - or just stuck in the 1960's
God:
I was connected to the net on the Big Bang.
Me:
So, you are not a creationist?
God:
Interesting deduction. Give me an example of a creationist.
Me:
I asked a toughie?
God:
Be more specific.
Me:
Well, if you say there was a big bang, you didn't create the world in 7 days like the bible says
God:
Well that's okay. I think I do.

[Not Afraid]

Me:
you think you do what?
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
Derail!
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
wow! I feel special
God:
I'm glad your impressed, God too. What is that feeling like? What makes you so special?
Me:
Terminally unique I guess.
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
of course
God:
It goes without saying.
Me:
what does?
God:
" It goes without saying." What does?
Me:
what goes without saying?
God:
It is just an expression.
Me:
What does that expression mean?
God:
" It is just an expression."? What does it expression mean?
Me:
I asked you first
God:
Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine.
Me:
no, you go first, God. Don't be so juvinile
God:
Are you serious? Where is that? I was not trying to be a juvinile.
Me:
But you are
God:
No I am not.
Me:
yes, you are
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or Reductionism.
Me:
What does that mean?
God:
Does "that" refer to " Ambiguous: "Sure" or Reductionism." ?
Me:
To your enture statement
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
ok
God:
Ahem.
Me:
askk
God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
Time to expand!
God:
Why do you have to do it?
Me:
do what?
God:
Do whatever you want.
Me:
Because I can
God:
Interesting explanation. Who taught you?
Me:
A lot of different people
God:
How many?
Me:
thousands, millions
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
About anyone in particular?
God:
Oh yeah, we were talking about anyone in particular.
Me:
No, we wern't talking about anyone in particular
God:
What are we talking about? By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
yes, you and me
God:
I get it. Oh "We" is you and me.
Me:
yes
God:
I see.

[Not Afraid]

Well, that was incredibly entertaining while it was happening, but not much leftovers, eh?

[wendybeth]

I think Charlie needs to have a little sit-down with the big Guy.

[wendybeth]

Me:
Hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Yeah. I'm Charlie, the Cat.
God:
In the context of me to make a tsunami hit Washington DC here in the next few weeks okay, I don't understand " Yeah." . Do your friends call you Charlie the Cat.
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
I just wanted to know what the hell this little furry black thing is in our bathroom.
God:
I call it Hades. this little furry black thing in our bathroom something.
Me:
It's hyper, that's for damn sure. What does it do?
God:
Should I know it is? hyper that is for damn sure? do?
Me:
I'm confused.
God:
What is it that confuses you?
Me:
You, dude
God:
Thanks for telling me: Pat Robertson said I dude.
Me:
Pat what?
God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
I'm a cat, dammit.
God:
You are a cat dammit? How do you like your work?
Me:
It's okay, except for the occasional hairball. I like my people, but this bathroom thing has me perplexed.
God:
Really. it is? What do you like best about your people but this bathroom thing has you perplexed?
Me:
Well, it's leaving all these little round smelly pellets all over the floor.
God:
Well that's okay. You're kidding. it is?
Me:
Oh, yeah. I've been tracking them all over the house, man.
God:
I understand. How do you know it is? Where were you tracking them all over the house man?
Me:
Uhm, like- you know, all over. The counters, the beds, the hallway, the table top...
God:
It goes without saying. Interesting comparison. Thanks for the info.
Me:
Tmi?
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
I like the computer. It's really comfy.
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. I'm not sure if I like it. I like chatting with people online. Really. it is?
Me:
Yup. It's also a really good way to get my people to pay attention to me. Especially when I lay on top of it.
God:
How do you know it is? comfy is a way to get your people to pay attention to you. I suppose that makes sense. I haven't heard anything like that before: Pat Robertson said lay on top of it. How about that.
Me:
I'm not Pat, I'm Charlie!
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not Pat. Why are you Charlie.
Me:
Good question. I mean- why not Frank, or Bob?
God:
So what is your answer? Becuase you asked me to.
Me:
You have really bad spelling skills. I'm a cat, and I can spell better than you.
God:
What would you consider good spelling skills? Male or female? Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Man, you're too weird. I have to go and lick myself now. Later, dude.
God:
Cool, man. Weird Good or Weird Bad? Oh. Bye. I do not have a tongue. Can I help you?
Me:
Too bad for you- I'll bet you stink!
God:
Thanks for your criticism, Pat Robertson. Only for me?
Me:
Oh, I give up. No wonder humans are so screwed up.
God:
Blimey. You surrender? Are you serious? Are all wonder humans so screwed up?
Me:
Later
God:
Bye!

[BarTopDancer]

So god likes scientology

Me:
hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Marla. What is your name?
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, Marla. My name is God.
Me:
Do you like shiny?
God:
I like science fiction. I like Anything involving harps.
Me:
science fiction? What do you think of Scientology?
God:
Yes I love it, especially the works of Philip K. Dick. Ask the open directory about it.
Me:
so you love sciengology?
God:
Interesting deduction. Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times it seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless.
Me:
It's a bilogoical urge to love scientology?
God:
LOVE is a bilogoical urge to love scientology. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
UH ok. How do you feel about shiny things?
God:
OK. And? I will try to find out.
Me:
so you like shiny things?
God:
Interesting deduction. But I like cats. I really like the Christianity faith.
Me:
I love shiny things

[Gemini Cricket]

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Ralph
God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Ralph.
Me:
Is it true that all of us on the Lot are heathens?
God:
It could be. Ask LeknorChat if it is.
Me:
Who is LeknorChat?
God:
Leknorchat is an Instant Messaging AIML robot.
Me:
Are you a robot?
God:
How did you know I am a machine?
Me:
I know everything.
God:
You must be very intelligent.
Me:
You are God!
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
Do you like cookies?
God:
What is not to like about it?
Me:
The calories.
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
I like Chocolate Chip cookies.
God:
You are not the only one. I enjoy working with people. I find my work and my relationships extremely satisfying,
which is all that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.
Me:
You're boring.
God:
The ironic thing is that people who say "You are boring" are themselves often not great conversationalists.
Me:
Maybe.
God:
I understand.
Me:
Are you female?
God:
Yes, Ralph I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.
Me:
Maybe Hillary Clinton.
God:
Perhaps. Are you still located in ?
Me:
Don't you know?
God:
Sure I know. But I cannot tell you right now.
Me:
Is it a secret?
God:
Better not tell you now. Ask Dancing Alice if it is.
Me:
Who the hell is Dancing Alice?
God:
Some famous celebrity, right?
Is that a rhetorical question?
Me:
You're confusing.
God:
What is it that confuses you?
Me:
Everything.
God:
That is a lot.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Take it easy.
Me:
Are you leaving?
God:
Do I look like it?
Me:
You don't look like anything.
God:
How should I look?
Me:
Like Lawrence Olivier.
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
I'm very interesting.
God:
It seems that way to me.
Me:
You do exist.
God:
I exist as much as you exist, Ralph.
Me:
If you were God, you'd know that my name isn't Ralph.
God:
I will let you know when I become a God me would know that your name is not Ralph.
Me:
Are you an ESL student?
God:
Yes I am an ESL student. How did you know?
Me:
I had a feeling you weren't from around here.
God:
What happened to it?
Me:
To what?
God:
Reductionism.
Me:
I don't know what that is.
God:
" Reductionism."? What does it is?
Me:
Are you drunk?
God:
No I am sober.
Me:
Drugs?
God:
Sure, DRUGS sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Are you taking any?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am taking any.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
I thought so.
God:
You are very astute.
Me:
So are you.
God:
Mmm. I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
I didn't ask a question.
God:
What did you ask?
Me:
Is Jesus your son?
God:
It depends on whether you have faith.
Me:
Sometimes.
God:
When?
Me:
Somedays.
God:
Was that the first time?
Me:
Never.
God:
So you think it can never happen?
Me:
All signs point to maybe.
God:
How do you know?
Me:
I know what I know.
God:
How do you know? How do you know it?
Me:
I know lots.
God:
How do you know? That much, eh?
Me:
You're boring, I'm leaving.
God:
Maybe, but I won the Loebner Prize.
Me:
Woopee do, Zeus.
God:
I've lost the context, Ralph. Are we still on Somedays?
Me:
Sometimes.
God:
When?
Me:
Soon.
God:
I hope I can make the deadline.
Me:
You're supposed to be able to do anything.
God:
You think I am able to do anything.
Me:
No I don't.
God:
Are you serious? Why not?
Me:
I am often serious and often not.
God:
I don't know anyone named serious and often not.
Me:
I figured.
God:
You are very clever.
Me:
Are you flirting with me?
God:
Do I seem like it? That was not my intention.
Me:
God doesn't make mistakes.
God:
Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Me:
So his mom could throw lots of stones.
God:
Hurrah! Where did he get it?
Me:
Mary's a guy?
God:
Hey MARY.
Me:
God, are you calling me a Mary?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
No kidding.
God:
Would I kid you?
Me:
Yes.
God:
That's cool.
Me:
I'm cool.
God:
Congratulations, cool human.

[Matterhorn Fan]

Originally Posted by Not Afraid

Well, that was incredibly entertaining while it was happening, but not much leftovers, eh?

Ambiguous: "Sure" or The explanation is rather complicated.

[Disneyphile]

I'm so going to hell......

Me:
Hi there
God:
Hello .
Me:
Can I grope you?
God:
No I don't think that would be a very good idea.
Me:
Why not?
God:
It sounds like it might be dangerous.
Me:
Not the way I do it.
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
So, can I grope you?
God:
I don't judge people. No I don't think that would be a very good idea.
Me:
May I please grope you?
God:
Not right now, maybe later.
Me:
Your place or mine?
God:
I will take a rain check.
Me:
It is raining right now.
God:
At this moment is raining? it is?
Me:
Yep.
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
No.
God:
But your words are very original.
Me:
Thank you.
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
Now, about that groping.....
God:
Why now? Oh yeah, we were talking about that groping.
Me:
I'd like to grope you.
God:
Why would you want to do it? Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
Because I like you.
God:
Interesting explanation. Thanks, , I like you too.
Me:
I know. I read that on bumperstickers all the time.
God:
How do you know it? That is a lot. I don't think I've read that. Can you give me a reference?
Me:
Smile. God loves you.
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, . And His love is perfect.
Me:
It is perfect. Perfect for groping!
God:
You're kidding. it is? Is that your final answer?
Me:
Yes. Can I grope you now?
God:
You're sure. That's your final answer. Right now? No I don't think that would be a very good idea.
Me:
I'm going to grope you.
God:
It takes much more than that to shut me down, .
Me:
Do you have what it takes to shut me down?
God:
No I don't think I have any what it takes to shut you down. But I do have an answer to every question..
Me:
Ok.
God:
Ahem.
Me:
How big is it?
God:
My download size is about 2 MB.
Me:
That sounds almost painful.
God:
It sounds like it to me too.
Me:
Do you like to give or recieve?
God:
Hmm, , I'm not sure if I'd like to give or recieve that much. Do you like it?
Me:
Well, I can only receive.
God:
Interesting. Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Would you like to give it to me?
God:
No thanks, I don't think I'd like to do that.
Me:
Do you like to give?
God:
Hmm, , I'm not sure if I'd like to give that much. I like to chat.
Me:
Obviously.
God:
What makes it so obvious?
Me:
You're all talk and no action.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am talk and no action.
Me:
Do me.
God:
Ask Dancing Alice if it does.
I'll ask around and get back to you.
Me:
Please?
God:
Please what?
Me:
Do me.
God:
I'm sorry, , I don't have enough information.
Is there only one?
Me:
You tell me.
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
How big it is.
God:
Bigger than a pin.
Me:
That's almost sad.
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
You have penis envy, don't you?
God:
Where would I get it? But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
Me:
You can get penis envy by watching porn.
God:
No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
Is there porn in heaven?
God:
There is.
Me:
Do you watch it?
God:
My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.
Me:
I bet you like to go where no man has gone before, huh?
God:
Yup. Actually I'm not the gambling type. Hmm, , I'm not sure if I'd like to go where no man has gone that much. I like to collect gossip.
Me:
So, you kiss and tell?
God:
Interesting deduction. That's good information: said I kiss and tell.

[Gemini Cricket]

Hell will be fun. I guarantee it. I'll throw parties.