It's not fair

[Gemini Cricket]

Originally Posted by Prudence

And it's my fault. Because I got people's hopes up and couldn't make it work and now he'll be a deformed cripple and I get to live with that guilt for the rest of my life. I should never have gotten involved.

How is it your fault, Prudence? You tried your best to cheer people up. You tried to make a difference in a very tough circumstance. You should pat yourself on the back for that.
People live very fulfilling lives in a wheelchair or with a cane or a artificial leg. He needs to make the best of his situation whatever it may be. You'll help, but his condition is not your fault. You didn't give him cancer.
If you feel guilty, Prudence, that's your doing. Don't take that on. You have nothing to feel guilty for.

[katiesue]

You tried to help, like a wonderful sister would do. You can't control others.

[Matterhorn Fan]

It's not your fault. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Hope is a good thing. Not everything works out, though. Maybe he's gonna end up with a really good doctor who isn't working at the most prestigious place. Heck, who knows? Maybe Dr. "The" would've told him the same things as his other doctors.

He should look into other options before he goes and gets himself all chopped up, though. But I can understand his frustration. When he's calmed down a bit, maybe you can help him do some more research? In the meantime, maybe you could take him out for ice cream?

(Ice cream makes everything better.)

[Snowflake]

I wish I had some wisdom to impart. I can impart <<<<hugs>>>> and support in the form of good thoughts and prayers for you and your baby brother.

Whoever said life was not fair was damn right in this case.

I can hope that somehow, something can be done to arrest the growth of the tumors and help with regrowth of lost muscle tissue.

Then again, hopefully there is some way from your brother to adapt for hiking, after all, people without limbs hike, ski, bike, and rock climb!

My prayers are with you Pru, and brother too!

Oh, and NOT YOUR FAULT. Do not feel guilty.

[BarTopDancer]

Repeat after me:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

[Matterhorn Fan]

Woah. The Serentiy Prayer. I haven't seen that in a looooong time.

[RStar]

I know how easy it is to blaim yourself. But everyone here is right. Unless you went down there and missplaced that paperwork, it can't be your fault. And if your brother makes the choice to do something, that's not your fault as well. I know you are going through a lot of emotions, and we only see the tip of the iceberg here.

But please, take care of yourself, then take care of you brother. I will keep the two of you in my prayers. They can do wonders these days with muscle reconstruction!

The best of luck and hugs to you!

~Bob

[Nephythys]

It does seem horribly unfair when life throws things like this at us-I'm so sorry he is going through this- I'm sorry you are.

I also understand the fear- when I had cancer at 30 I really started to believe I was seeing what would eventually kill me. I still struggle with that fear- and I know how hard it is.

Hugs- to you and him and your family. I hope some better news will come.

[Prudence]

Thanks for the kind words, all. I appreciate it, as I appreciate your thoughts and prayers for my brother. I still struggle with guilt. I can't stop thinking that there was something I could have done differently that would have made the specialist work out. Which is just adding to the existing guilt that this is happening to him, the "good" one, when I've been the worse person.

I don't know how to behave any more. I start to cry at work for no reason - which is significantly more complicated now that I no longer have a private office. I can't make it better and it just eats away at me. I'm supposed to protect my family and of course I can't. And I'm terrified of what might happen to me. At least Kevin's tumor is benign - will mine be malignant? Treatable like my dad's or untreatable like my grandmother's?

I don't know how to act around my family. If something good happens to me, I don't want to say anything to them because it's not fair for me to be happy when this is happening. And none of my complaints could possibly compare so they're best kept to myself. But then I'm withdrawing from the family, and that's not appreciated. I don't know how far to push and when to back off. None of us in my immediate family respond the way we're supposed to.

So that leaves me about as down as I can ever remember being. Which makes me feel more guilty, because I'm not the future cripple. But what right do I have to be happy now? How could I be happy? And why am I so concerned about what other people think about how I'm reacting.

Sorry I'm blabbing. I don't have other outlets, really. We don't talk amongst ourselves, my family.

[Snowflake]

But we're your virtual family, too, Pru. You can always talk amongst us (me) and I will listen without recriminations.

Feeling guilty is natural, but don't let it rule you. Happiness in any form, especuially during a trying time such as this, is a boon companion. Welcome happiness in any form, welcome the pain too. (GAH, I sound like Dr. Effin Phil, sorry)

How can you say you were the bad one? Wild perchance, more experamental? You stepped outside the box, does not make you bad! Take it from the "good child" - you're not bad!

Virtual hugs don't do much, but there is a reason you're posting here, and that's for support and I think you have that in spades on the LoT.

With much care and concern

Donna