Advice request: How to do with stupid relatives?

scaeagles · 02-23-2009, 09:59 AM

Strangler, I don't fight with the wife about it. She knows they are jerks but wants every thing to just "be OK" and wants her mom to be happy.

I think ignoring them is best, like you suggest, NA. We've tried that in the past, and then they cry to their mommy that we ignore them and the wife gets in trouble. Pretty ridiculous, but probably the best option.

wendybeth · 02-23-2009, 10:41 AM

'Ignore' is as useful an option in real life as it is online, and it often provides the same results. When they aren't able to engage you in their game, the brothers will eventually move on to someone else who will provide entertainment. Your wife really needs to be on board, though- if they can provoke her into feeling bad then they're still getting their twisted needs met. She should know it's okay to not go with the status quo if it's hurting her or anyone else- there is nothing wrong with growing up and refusing to play the old family roles, especially if you're the punching bag. I put my foot down after years of this kind of **** on both sides of my family, and after a period of adjustment things really did calm down. Now, everyone knows that if they want a family gathering, there will be no drama allowed.

Not Afraid · 02-23-2009, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scaeagles

I think ignoring them is best, like you suggest, NA. We've tried that in the past, and then they cry to their mommy that we ignore them and the wife gets in trouble. Pretty ridiculous, but probably the best option.

Gets in trouble? What's going to happen? Your wife will have to sit in a corner for 30 minutes? You are adults. You don't "get in trouble". If her Mom says something "motherly" to her about it, she can simply respond - "I'm sorry you feel that way" and leave it at that. She doesn't have to either accept the feelings of others nor engage with the discussion. I know she cares about her mother's feelings - and there's nothing wrong with that, but she can care about her mom's feelings while still not engaging in the discussion.

02-23-2009, 09:59 AM	#1
scaeagles I LIKE! Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 7,819	Strangler, I don't fight with the wife about it. She knows they are jerks but wants every thing to just "be OK" and wants her mom to be happy. I think ignoring them is best, like you suggest, NA. We've tried that in the past, and then they cry to their mommy that we ignore them and the wife gets in trouble. Pretty ridiculous, but probably the best option.
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02-23-2009, 10:41 AM	#2
wendybeth Nevermind Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 7,847	'Ignore' is as useful an option in real life as it is online, and it often provides the same results. When they aren't able to engage you in their game, the brothers will eventually move on to someone else who will provide entertainment. Your wife really needs to be on board, though- if they can provoke her into feeling bad then they're still getting their twisted needs met. She should know it's okay to not go with the status quo if it's hurting her or anyone else- there is nothing wrong with growing up and refusing to play the old family roles, especially if you're the punching bag. I put my foot down after years of this kind of **** on both sides of my family, and after a period of adjustment things really did calm down. Now, everyone knows that if they want a family gathering, there will be no drama allowed. __________________
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