Back home? Or back from home?

[Snowflake]

Well, echoing NA and iSm, no "matter where you go, there you are" is a struggle I've had. And, yes, I admit it, I ran away to Virginia, I did. I was not happier, happier for the experiences I had, but I am also very happy to be home (home to CA anyway).

I do not think there is anything wrong with wanting or feeling a need to go back home to reconnect, and rediscover. After all, you can always make another move to a larger landscape (after setting up your HI retirement). Nothing wrong with traveling.

Seems to me your musing has many good points for going, and many good points for not going. Bottom line is, you gotta do what you gotta do, even if it is temporary for 2, 3, 5 or 10 years.

Gotta say, I'm voting you stay in California because then I'd see more of you. Totally selfish, but there you have it, I am a selfish bitch.

[Chernabog]

Originally Posted by Gemini Cricket

I think HI may be good for fighting my depression, too. I also think that my odds of finding a man in HI is greater.

That's the part that concerned me. Are you saying that those two things are linked? Because a) pulling a geographic WILL NOT help depression (unless you're someplace like Texas and people are throwing rocks at you for being gay) and b) finding a man won't either. If you're depressed and you meet prince charming, then you'll be a depressed person with a prince charming.

Lately, I have been thinking about where I belong. And a big part of me feels like I don’t belong anywhere. I didn’t feel right in Monterey, I didn’t feel like I fit in in Boston and now I’m not sure about LA.

LA definitely takes some time to get used to. It is huge, there are so many people and sometimes it is hard to find your niche. I do understand feeling like you "fit in better" one place over another. I fit in very well in New York, and not as well in LA where I am from.

Maybe going back to school in HI is something I could do. Who knows?

Going back to school for what degree? What is it that you want to do that makes you get that degree? (Do not get a degree, just for the virtue of having a piece of paper). In your line of work, the best places are LA and Vancouver... unless you're thinking of switching gears entirely.

Not a bad thing, (and of course I have my own selfish reasons for wanting you here) I just wouldn't want to see you move for the wrong reasons, or leave with the mentality of "If only I moved to <insert location here> I would be happy, meet my prince charming, all my dreams will come true, who is this wicked stepmother and why is she feeding me a fruit salad", etc. etc. I hope there's no rush or anything, but that you sit down and ponder this stuff for a while. Sometimes, it is impatience, or a reluctance TO set down roots -- if reality doesn't meet high expectations, then it's easier to move again.... then you always have the mindset of "well, I'm probably leaving anyway" and it prevents you from doing the thing you say you want to. (I'm not saying all this is applicable to you, but maybe part of it is, just food for thought.)

[Moonliner]

If you are going:

I'd say find that perfect job first. Check with industry contacts here, Internet sites, etc... Perhaps you could even come up with your own Hawaii based film project and get someone to fund it, or set yourself up as a local guide for visiting filmmakers, start a film summer camp for howlie students. Apparently there is a lot more money in that than I would have guessed. Moving and then looking for a job leads to holding a spatula at Big Kahuna Burgers.

I like my family close but not too close. A 20-30 min drive is good. You can see them when you want but they are not showing up unannounced all the time. Your mileage might vary.

If Not:
Work on those inner conflicts: "I’m a nomad" and "I need to settle down"
There are insincere A-holes in LA, there are insincere A-holes in HI
There are good sincere people in LA there are good sincere people in HI.

When were you last happy? What's changed since then? Is it people or place that really made the difference? For me happy is stability, for others it's chaos. What is it for you?

[JWBear]

Originally Posted by Chernabog

That's the part that concerned me. Are you saying that those two things are linked? Because a) pulling a geographic WILL NOT help depression (unless you're someplace like Texas and people are throwing rocks at you for being gay) and b) finding a man won't either. If you're depressed and you meet prince charming, then you'll be a depressed person with a prince charming.

This is wisdom.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Echo, echo, echo.

Yes, I want you to stay so we can see you.

I do think that you're chasing something you may not be able to find outside of yourself.

You want to work in film, you should stay here. If you are not passionate about your B career, that malaise will set in again and you WILL be back in LA. I predict it. What you do with the majority of your days is very, very important.

I'm sure that some nomads are happier with instability, however, instability doesn't seem to have brought you happiness. As someone who has her own problems with depression, I can tell you, it has nothing to do with where you are, who you're with, or how blessed you seem to be.

[blueerica]

I echo much of the above statements, and thus, I have little to add... just to say that I support whatever decisions you make. I just hope that you put a lot of thought into those decisions, and I think that's exactly what you're doing by airing them out here.

<3

[innerSpaceman]

Of course, if you ultimately choose to go, there's that whole kidnapping thing we might pull.




(but, then, you'd enjoy that, wouldn't you?)

[Morrigoon]

Well, I'm going to buck the trend here. For all the voices against "pulling a geographic", I actually think there are times when that can be very effective - typically when you catch yourself in a rut and you need to effect a major change in your life to shake things up a bit.

Do you feel you're in a rut? I hadn't gotten that impression.

I also understand what it's like to feel like a place doesn't suit you (hel-LO, I lived in Texas for a while!) Different places have different cultures, that's just how it is. Some geographic cultures will suit, and some won't. The pace of life is decidedly different in Hawaii, just as it is decidedly different in New York. The attitudes of the people is different, just as they are different between Northern and Southern California.

As nice as parts of NoCal can be, if you had me living there and gave me the choice to move "home" to SoCal, I'd do it, every time. If you feel the same way about moving "home" to Hawaii, then there's nothing wrong with that. You've tried elsewhere, and you've found that Dorothy was right: there's no place like home.

Depending on the source of your depression, it may or may not be something that can be changed by moving. But it will at least answer the question of whether or not it can be changed. Then you can address any other causes.

California will always be here, her golden coastline shining in the afternoon sun. If you feel it's time to be in Hawaii, do it. You can always come back.

(That being said, I'll miss you terribly)

[Ghoulish Delight]

Originally Posted by Morrigoon

Well, I'm going to buck the trend here. For all the voices against "pulling a geographic", I actually think there are times when that can be very effective - typically when you catch yourself in a rut and you need to effect a major change in your life to shake things up a bit.

Sure, but I think what concerns most of us is the list of times he's tried the change of scenery thing. Of course, several of those weren't entirely his own choosing, but I think everyone's just encouraging him to be sure he's taking the opportunity to be honest with himself and to realize that, even if Hawaii is the right place for him, simply the act of moving there isn't going to solve the particular issues he's mentioned.

Of course, I'll throw out a selfish reason for you to indeed move to Hawaii, Brad...gives me an excuse to visit.

[katiesue]

I can completely understand. I'd move home in a flash if it were at all possible. Sure you're still you no matter what location you live in, and your problems are still the same. But there is a difference being at home where you feel comfortable.

San Diego isn't my home. I've never felt at home here. I don't like it here. But unfortunately I can't move. Which makes me tend to like it even less.

There are pros/cons to living anywhere. You just have to decide for yourself which ones you can live with and which ones you can't.

The other thing is - some people have the place where they grew up. And other people have home. And there is a difference. Susanville will always be home for me. Even if my Mom moved and I no longer had a lot of family there. I'm 6th generation on my Dad's side to live there. It's just where I'm from and it's very hard to describe to the people who only grew up somewhere.

I wouldn't rush into anything. But if your trip has you thinking about it then ponder it some more. Look for jobs. Figure out costs of living. Check out schools. You can do all of this from LA. And give it a little time. If in a couple of months or more you still feel very strongly it's the place for you then maybe it is.