Help Us End the R-Word

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Originally Posted by Alex

I thought I pretty much explained the "so what" as I see it. Why, even if successful, it likely isn't going to solve the underlying issue. That just as words can gain new definitions they can shed them as well (in usage if not in the OED), and that in this case it may be more productive in the long term to shed a definition than to try and salt this linguistic ground and hope you can avoid a repeat on the new homestead.

Thing is, you can't "let it be a word meaning "boneheaded" or "stupid"" because when people say retarded they don't mean boneheaded, they mean "you are acting like someone who was born mentally deficient." That's what the word is continuing to mean, and I don't think that's going to change any time soon, as it's still clinging to that even as the technical term fades.

This reminds me of my childhood friend who was forbidden by her liberal parents to call anyone "stupid" or "dumb". It's one of those things that as a (foul-mouthed) kid, seemed ludicrous to me, but as an adult, does make some sense. It's a truly insulting thing to say to someone.

The other side of that story is that the word she used for her younger siblings was "silly". She did use it in a softer manner than me spitting out "UR DUMB" to my brothers. "That seems silly to me", she'd say to them. Her upbringing didn't allow sarcasm and outright meanness, but it did seem to allow for a condescending tone. So in the end she found a way to basically say the same thing with different words and tone.

What I'm trying to say is, you're right, it's a moving target. And that is the nature of language. I fully believe that this problem has been around forever and will continue to be around. Your example of "moron" and "idiot" proves that even if we did follow your tactic of letting "retard" become the same, the new words that replace "retard" will become the offensive terms. I have heard people call each other "mentally challenged" as an insult. Another good example is "special", the ultimate in backfiring attempts to correct the same sort of problem. Even the most simple of sentences - "I'm special" - means something totally different than it did 30 years ago.

The term I'm hearing used most often now (in serious tones) is "special needs". I think that term has another 5 years tops before it's done.

I don't think there's any changing how this goes, no preventing the cycle from continuing. As long as we have words for people that have disabilities, people without those disabilities are not going to want to be called those words, and thus, the names have power and are going to be abused. When it's time, we shift terms. Makes sense to me.

[Alex]

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

Thing is, you can't "let it be a word meaning "boneheaded" or "stupid"" because when people say retarded they don't mean boneheaded, they mean "you are acting like someone who was born mentally deficient."

No, I disagree. Most of the time I hear the word it is not at all used in the way you say. If I were to say "You retard, you forgot to DVR Kings" there is absolutely no sense in which I mean "hey, you might have a hidden case of Downs Syndrome." I just mean you did something stupid. Of course, I don't really call anybody a retard simply because it isn't in the slang dictionary for me childhood. I'm happy with "short busser."

But maybe you hang out with meaner people than I do.

But yes, we agree the cycle will continue. So why do it? Rather than worrying about what word gets used in contexts outside of the people we're worried about I'd rather focus on how they're treated.

[flippyshark]

I think there is some reason to avoid the usage under discussion. People with mental disabilities mostly know very well what the word "retarded" means, and know that it applies to them. To some extent, they must own it as part of their identity, (in a way that they don't have to own idiot or moron)- so it's galling or hurtful to hear society use it as a casual substitute for those other epithets. Friends and family may be saying, "No, you're not stupid, you're different" (or whatever), but elsewhere they are hearing that word (which they can't help but identify themselves with) and it seems to mean stupid, worthless and incompetent to the larger social sphere. Moreover, people saying it to one another are often expressing impatience, contempt and disregard for their target. ("You lost the keys? What are you, retarded?") The disabled person overhears and thinks, well, that includes me too. I suspect this is what the effort is trying to raise consciousness about.

By rough comparison, it's a bit like hearing someone denigrate somebody else by saying, "What are you, a woman?"

So, I'm in sympathy, but then, I'm an oversensitive doofus.

[Not Afraid]

Along those same lines, I probably wouldn't ever use the preferred phrase "differently-abled" as opposed to disabled but I don't use "Handicapped" any longer (interesting etymology) but i do say "USE a wheel chair" as opposed to "Confined" to a wheel chair. Wheel chairs are anything BUT confining when you have mobility issues.

[flippyshark]

I remember when a lot of us out at the theme parks used to say "wheelchair guests." as in "Wheelchair guests, please use the front and back rows of the theater." (yikes - and I was guilty of this one myself)

We were wisely counseled to say "Guests using wheelchairs."

I've only rarely heard cast members use disabled or handicapped. (I do recall an older cast member used to point and say "Handicap access is that way.")

[Alex]

3894 posted this here and on MousePad.

Interesting experiment in how the same starting point can go in different directions.

[NirvanaMan]

This whole debate is retarded.

[Tref]

Originally Posted by Alex

I can see in 20 years one friend saying to another who just locked his keys in the car "man, you're so autistic sometimes.

Somehow I don't see that one. 'Autistic' is not a very funny sounding word. Plus it is too close to 'artistic' and your friend may misconstrue your comment as suggesting he lost his keys artfully. I think 'obtuse' has a better chance of coming back in fashion. 'Damn, Ricky, why you so obtuse? Please conclude this missing key predicament!'

For all its apparent inappropriateness, retard is a funny sounding word, which is why it has endured. Either way, I believe 'retard' has lost most of its power to truly offend.

[Ghoulish Delight]

Originally Posted by Alex

3894 posted this here and on MousePad.

Interesting experiment in how the same starting point can go in different directions.

Uhoh. I think I've just added "gay-tard" to my vocabulary.

[scaeagles]

I think people find too many things to be offended over.