Commodification of sex

[3894]

Originally Posted by Ghoulish Delight

while there's certainly something to be said for ones own internal model of sexuality, ultimately the goal is to appeal to someone else. Like any other aspect of ones personality you will continually be faced with the choice of sticking to your guns vs. making a compromise to please someone else.

Much of the commodification of sex in our culture caters to men. Women, especially young ones, feel pressure to conform to what the patriarchy says is sexy.

None of this means that I don't want to appeal to my husband and please him. Of course I do. Our relationship is outside the sphere of commodification, even though as a married couple we are an economic unit.

[bewitched]

Originally Posted by 3894

None of this means that I don't want to appeal to my husband and please him. Of course I do. Our relationship is outside the sphere of commodification, even though as a married couple we are an economic unit.

Not all aspects of commodification are tangible.

[3894]

Originally Posted by bewitched

Not all aspects of commodification are tangible.

Can you explain?

[bewitched]

Originally Posted by 3894

Can you explain?

Sure.

I know this discussion started as money (or value) for sex. But when you move it into the realm of relationships, commodification encompasses a quid pro quo which only sometimes involves sex (although I would be the first to admit that sex will many times get you bigger, better gifts from a spouse or SO ).

For instance, you want to appeal to your husband...there is a commodity there...whether it's because you want to remain sexually attractive to him or simply because pleasing him gratifies you, you are receiving something you desire and/or is of (emotional) benefit to you, but not something tangible.

[Ghoulish Delight]

Originally Posted by bewitched

For instance, you want to appeal to your husband...there is a commodity there...whether it's because you want to remain sexually attractive to him or simply because pleasing him gratifies you, you are receiving something you desire and/or is of (emotional) benefit to you, but not something tangible.

Which is what I was getting at earlier when I mentioned compromise.

Every social interaction involves the decision whether to be completely self-serving or to do what someone else would like to gain approval, or to find somewhere in between. If you go with the former every time, you're going to be a very lonely person. If you go with the second choice all the time, you're going to be a pretty uninteresting person with no personality. To be successful, both models have their place, whether we're talking about sexuality, doing the dishes, or hanging out at Disneyland.

[blueerica]

Originally Posted by bewitched

Sure.

I know this discussion started as money (or value) for sex. But when you move it into the realm of relationships, commodification encompasses a quid pro quo which only sometimes involves sex (although I would be the first to admit that sex will many times get you bigger, better gifts from a spouse or SO ).

For instance, you want to appeal to your husband...there is a commodity there...whether it's because you want to remain sexually attractive to him or simply because pleasing him gratifies you, you are receiving something you desire and/or is of (emotional) benefit to you, but not something tangible.

Heh - this brings me back to my belief that we are all 'selfish' even when we are being giving, and that's definitely a good thing - it's how we survive. Even if you receive no payment, satisfaction and appreciation are 'payments' of their own. No one would volunteer if it made them feel bad about themselves, or in some way was a detractor to good in their life. The same goes for how we behave in relationships.

Good call, Bewitched!

[Alex]

Originally Posted by blueerica

Heh - this brings me back to my belief that we are all 'selfish' even when we are being giving...

A man named Adam Smith once wrote a book (two actually) about this. He gained some fame for it.

[Strangler Lewis]

Originally Posted by blueerica

No one would volunteer if it made them feel bad about themselves, or in some way was a detractor to good in their life. The same goes for how we behave in relationships.

If that were remotely true, then entire shelves of the bookstore would disappear as would most afternoon TV.

As far as the legitimacy of stripping or fetish-videos-that-are-not-quite-screwing-on-film goes, I haven't seen any of these people on Higglytown Heroes, notwithstanding their apparent necessity. I think the test for how we feel about any job is to ask whether you'd be proud if your child came home and told you he or she was doing it. If you can say "That's wonderful, honey," because your daughter will have an easier time helping pay for college by getting gangbanged at bachelor parties rather than slinging pizza, then you have a true appreciation for the dignity of all work.

[bewitched]

Originally Posted by Strangler Lewis

I think the test for how we feel about any job is to ask whether you'd be proud if your child came home and told you he or she was doing it.

I disagree. I see nothing wrong with being a stripper. Does that mean I would be proud of my daughter if she did it? No.

As Alex pointed out, many people distinguish between what is acceptable (or degrading) to the public at large and what is acceptable (or degrading) to each of us individually.

After all, I wouldn't be very proud if my daughter came home and told me that she was a Republican either.

[Alex]

I wouldn't be happy if my son* came home and told me he was going to work at McDonald's but that doesn't mean I think there is anything wrong with adults working at McDonald's.

There are reasons I wouldn't be pleased to have a child working in most areas of the sex industry but none of them have to do with objection to the sex itself. And in some areas I wouldn't be much bothered at all (except to the degree that we don't like to think about our close relatives having sex).

But I agree that a lot of people do things that make no actual sense. That doesn't mean a process of commodification isn't happening but people make bad deals all of the time ("I thought he would change," "when he isn't drunk he is really a wonderful person," "if I'm easy, he'll like me" are still examples of performing commodification, just with stupid valuations).

* I wouldn't be happy if my son came home (because I wouldn't be happy about having a son), but that is a different pathology.