Advice request: How to do with stupid relatives? - Page 3

Betty · 02-23-2009, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SacTown Chronic

Maybe Leo's wife needs a spanking.

I know I do...

Kevy Baby · 02-23-2009, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Not Afraid

You are adults. You don't "get in trouble".

Try not paying your taxes and see what happens.

Jazzman · 02-23-2009, 03:44 PM

Lay out what the rules are (i.e. if you want us to attend, reasonable notice is required, if you want us to chip in on things, reasonable notice is also required, etc. etc.) then go on to do as everyone else says and ignore their crap. If you don't draw the line in the sand, and draw it so that it is very obvious, then they're going to continue to walk all over you guys, regardless of how you do or don't ignore their games. We had a somewhat similar, though not nearly as serious, issue with The Wife's brother and his ex concerning his kids, and we tried the high road, ignore-them-and-don't-cause-drama path, and it was just as disastrous but in other new and irritating ways. Only after we laid out what was acceptable and what was not, then stuck to it, did they get the message. Some feelings were bruised for a short time, but when we didn't budge, ever, they eventually accepted it and things are fine now. And don't leave your wife to handle it because it's "her family." Being married means you're in it together, always; which of course you know.

Like I said, though, things weren't as severe for us as they are apparently for you guys, but the principle is the same; you can only be the victim if you don't defend yourself.

LashStoat · 02-25-2009, 01:24 AM

Take control and be proactive:

"Hi guys, it's MIL's birthday next week, what's the plan" avoids last minute sh*t fights when you know an event is coming up. Mark 'em all up on a calendar, and don't count the number of events (as it might depress you).

Don't be railroaded:

"Sorry, that's too short a notice, we already have another commitment" for out-of-the blue events, and say it even if it's not true. This will train them into the correct etiquette (like toilet training). The minute you drop everything for them, you'll be back to square one.

Talk to your wife:

You can't implement either strategy without your wife's full co-operation. Without it, you'll be undermined and over-stressed. There will be TBB (tears before bedtime), and no man can survive that.

hugs,

The Stoat.

JWBear · 02-25-2009, 10:22 AM

I still vote for high explosives. Just because.

CoasterMatt · 02-25-2009, 11:08 AM

Take the high road....

High explosives or high voltage

scaeagles · 02-25-2009, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWBear

I still vote for high explosives. Just because.

I like this one best. This could be the most I've ever agreed with you.

JWBear · 02-25-2009, 12:47 PM

That disturbs me, but thank you.

02-23-2009, 03:44 PM	#23
Jazzman Sax God Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Portland's Tijuana Posts: 510	Lay out what the rules are (i.e. if you want us to attend, reasonable notice is required, if you want us to chip in on things, reasonable notice is also required, etc. etc.) then go on to do as everyone else says and ignore their crap. If you don't draw the line in the sand, and draw it so that it is very obvious, then they're going to continue to walk all over you guys, regardless of how you do or don't ignore their games. We had a somewhat similar, though not nearly as serious, issue with The Wife's brother and his ex concerning his kids, and we tried the high road, ignore-them-and-don't-cause-drama path, and it was just as disastrous but in other new and irritating ways. Only after we laid out what was acceptable and what was not, then stuck to it, did they get the message. Some feelings were bruised for a short time, but when we didn't budge, ever, they eventually accepted it and things are fine now. And don't leave your wife to handle it because it's "her family." Being married means you're in it together, always; which of course you know. Like I said, though, things weren't as severe for us as they are apparently for you guys, but the principle is the same; you can only be the victim if you don't defend yourself.
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02-25-2009, 01:24 AM	#24
LashStoat There's a hole in the Bin Liner... Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Merry Old Land of OZ. Posts: 428	Take control and be proactive: "Hi guys, it's MIL's birthday next week, what's the plan" avoids last minute sht fights when you know an event is coming up. Mark 'em all up on a calendar, and don't count the number of events (as it might depress you). Don't be railroaded:* "Sorry, that's too short a notice, we already have another commitment" for out-of-the blue events, and say it even if it's not true. This will train them into the correct etiquette (like toilet training). The minute you drop everything for them, you'll be back to square one. Talk to your wife: You can't implement either strategy without your wife's full co-operation. Without it, you'll be undermined and over-stressed. There will be TBB (tears before bedtime), and no man can survive that. hugs, The Stoat. __________________
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02-25-2009, 10:22 AM	#25
JWBear Worn Romantic Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Long Beach California Posts: 8,435	I still vote for high explosives. Just because. __________________ Unrestrained frivolity will lead to the downfall of modern society.
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02-25-2009, 11:08 AM	#26
CoasterMatt BRAAAAAAAINS! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: One Step Beyond... Posts: 8,802	Take the high road.... High explosives or high voltage __________________ Do you like my photography? Visit photosbymatt.tumblr.com to purchase prints!
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02-25-2009, 12:47 PM	#28
JWBear Worn Romantic Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Long Beach California Posts: 8,435	That disturbs me, but thank you. __________________ Unrestrained frivolity will lead to the downfall of modern society.
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