WTF Stories of the Week

[Ghoulish Delight]

Originally Posted by JWBear

Do you really think that is the only way in which you call attention to your sexuality? I don’t walk around saying, "Hi, I'm gay", but I have held Bill’s hand in public; and gotten angry and disgusted looks for it. How about you and CP? Not so much, I expect.

Originally Posted by JWBear

Then you too are missing the point.

And you've missed my point. No, I don't think there is only one way that people glean sexuality. My POINT is that, being the minority, the cues that homosexuals end up by necessity using to call attention to their sexuality are by comparison, overt, explicit, and "in your face" because, by definition, they are different than what we see 90% of the time.

Even if same sex marriage becomes legal and commonplace among same sex couples, a man saying, "This is my husband" is going to stand out as "not normal" because 90% of men don't have husbands.

That's my only point. As I said, and Moonliner said, and Betty said, we still consider XBox's reaction wrong. Considering those kinds of overt declarations "inappropriate" is wrong. But no amount of social acceptance is going to change the fact that a large majority of people are heterosexual, that assuming heterosexuality is a rational default, and that idenfying yourself as homosexual is going to remain a conspicuous departure from "normal" (and by "normal" I mean "commonplace") conversation.

ETA: Of course, that's why the media can hold such power. It's a way to artificially skew that ratio higher so that it DOES become more commonplace.

[JWBear]

Originally Posted by Ghoulish Delight

And you've missed my point. No, I don't think there is only one way that people glean sexuality. My POINT is that, being the minority, the cuse that homosexuals end up by necessity using to call attention to their sexuality are by comparison, overt, explicit, and "in your face" because, by definition, they are different than what we see 90% of the time.

Even if same sex marriage becomes legal and commonplace among same sex couples, a man saying, "This is my husband" is going to stand out as "not normal" because 90% of men don't have husbands.

That's my only point. As I said, and Moonliner said, and Betty said, we still consider XBox's reaction wrong. Considering those kinds of overt declarations "inappropriate" is wrong. But no amount of social acceptance is going to change the fact that a large majority of people are heterosexual, that assuming heterosexuality is a rational default, and that idenfying yourself as homosexual is going to remain a conspicuous departure from "normal" (and by "normal" I mean "commonplace") conversation.

Normal is relative. To me, a same sex couple holding hands is not, and should not be "overt, explicit, and "in your face"". To me, it is normal. No different than an opposite sex couple doing the same thing.

But again, beside the point. What I object to is that same opposite sex couple claiming that they are not displaying their sexuality when they hold hands, but then tells me I am flaunting mine when I hold hands with my boyfriend. Can you not see the double standard there?

To me, it's like telling blacks that we whites fully support their equal rights as human beings, but then insist they cover up their dark skin because it's not "normal", and is "flaunting" their race.

[Ghoulish Delight]

Originally Posted by JWBear

But again, beside the point. What I object to is that same opposite sex couple claiming that they are not displaying their sexuality when they hold hands, but then tells me I am flaunting mine when I hold hands with my boyfriend. Can you not see the double standard there?

Yes, I can and I've said (third time) that I don't think it is flaunting or inappropriate.

But we're not talking about holding hands or kissing, or talking about your significant other. We're talking about a specific instance, saying, "I'm a lesbian," by way of describing yourself. There's no direct analog. Yes, saying, "My wife and I have been married for 3 years," on one level serves the same purpose. But to people who don't want to be tolerant, who want to find excuses to discriminate, it's easy for them to say, " You don't see me saying, "I'm straight" in my profile, do you?"

Denying the reality that there are actual, practical differences in the way things are communicated, to my eye, is counter productive. It'll just make people dig in. It gives them an easy excuse to say, "See, you're insisting on being treated differently and getting away with acting differently!"

The way I see it, it's better to confront and own those differences. "Yes, I DO occasionally have to be overt about it. You may be able to use the standard givens of society as an easy, effortless way to communicate what you want, but that doesn't work for me, so get over it. I'm not doing it to rub your face in it, I'm doing it because I have no other way to do what you do without even thinking about it."